HERE'S TO THE TECHIES!!!!


I have had a miserable two weeks - tech wise.

I was trying to comizerate when I came across this website W.o.W. fire hazzards words of wisdom.

This one is for all the techies out there.. read, cry, laugh, and try to forget. Get lost in stargate or have a lord of the rings marathon.. go ahead.. you know you own it.

CyberLife Wisdom

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The surest way to improve one's looks is to go into a chat room.

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I'm not a 14 year old girl, but I play one on the internet.

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world; Those who know binary and those who don't.

For every function, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's obsolete.

The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

When the going gets tough, upgrade.

To err is human... to blame your computer for your mistakes is downright natural.

He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.

A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

I post therefore I am

Your computer may beat you in chess, but never in kickboxing!

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One of the best things to come out of the home computer revolution could be the general and widespread understanding of how severely limited logic really is. --Frank Herbert

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. --Pablo Picasso

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Got Root?

Time to Sleep

Time to Sleep

Sorry I have not updated but I have been very tired. I went to the doctor and he decided on a med upgrade.. yep more pills.. yippy.

The great thing having fibromyalgia is you don’t know what the day will bring.. the bad thing with having fibromyalgia is people can’t see your sick. The other day I had someone tell me I was doing this to myself.. he I am all for being a sadomasochist but I only do that with guilt.. that’s the prerogative of being Jewish… we have the market on guilt.

I have decided to try this med upgrade as an alternative to being in full time constant pain because as the days passed by I realized I could not function like an overemotional hormonal teenage girl.. so I gave in and went with the dope up.

He only doubled the amount from 25 mg to 50 mg… the thing that sucks is now my body has to get used to the pills all over again. It takes a few weeks before I can find out if it works…so here we go again.. whoopee.

Falling asleep all the time for someone who rarely sleeps is kind of funny as long as it doesn’t happened when your driving, which it does happen but I try my best to stay awake. The worse time is the drive home after 4 PM because I used to call my husband and had him try to keep me awake as I drove. Now he works during that time so I am SOL right now.

The funniest time I fell asleep today while typing on the laptop.. I caught myself and did not hit it or the ground.. which is really great.

Being half asleep all the time may make me closer to dreaming.. who knows anything can happen. As I was in one of these half awake stages I heard a great song.. it had something to do with a guy who quit his job, threw his hard hat at the boss.. the chorus is something like you may tell me where I go but no one tells me what to do… I waited for the DJ to say who the song was by but as usual damned DJ didn’t say anything!! Gurrrrrrrrrr.. Hey Sean if your out there help me out.. I love that song.

I have been thinking a lot about what Sean has been writing about fear… and the power it has over us.. I have three people in my life currently waging a war with fear..

one is one of my best friends as she tries to figure out how the man she thought she knew could hurt her so badly.. now she is afraid to let go.. but she knows she has to.. the temptation to call him is so great .. she calls me now instead.. day or night. She needs to move on but she is afraid she can’t deal with the pain.. I know it sounds familiar and I am trying my best to help her take it day by day.

The other is my sister.. she is young, a great song writer, a singer with a very powerful voice.. she is looking for love and commitment in a world of one night stands.. she is out there looking for a prince.. in a land of frogs.. she is getting frustrated.. she wants a relationship, a family, but is afraid there is no one out there…

And then there is me. I have been thinking about what fear is driving me to hang on to this place I have grown up and called home my whole life. .I am not happy here, I want a home for my family, I want to work one job, pay the bills, groceries, and still have something left over.. pipe dream.. yeah I know. I know the key is learning to dream again. I don’t want to teach my kids to be complacent and take what life hands you.. that’s NOT me. But at the same time I have become so entangled with the rules of life I have forgotten how to live life lately. There was a quote I think the duchess of York used.. good little girls don’t write history… It is a saying that has somehow crept into my head lately.. More and more I can start to feel something telling me what I am doing is wrong.. but I can’t hear all the words yet.. if that makes sense.. everything I have learned in the past has paid off with the job I have today.. but something inside of me still screams a muffled drowned out cry.. this is not it.. this is not where your supposed to be…If there was just a way to hear what is being said.. then again it could just be the meds talking.

I guess as a kid I grew up too fast and didn’t live a kids life. My wings were clipped and after being told to keep my feet on the ground so many times.. I caved in and listened.
I have stood so long I have forgot how to fly..

We wait our whole childhood to shed the “rules” of life to become adults and “do what ever we wanted to do”.. then as adults we forget what it is we wanted to do!

I encourage my kids to dream every morning I wake my toddler daughter and open the blinds and tell her the whole world is out there and she needs to wake and come see it. My son tells me he wants to be spiderman, a police officer, a doctor and a jewelry designer… go big dreams.

Keep dreaming maybe if I am lucky it will rub off on me. As for me off to sleep I go waiting for the time dreams may come to me.

The Gloves are off. My turn to RANT.

The Gloves are off. My turn to RANT.

Ok I know I said I would not post until Kirsten posted but I did hear from her through IM and she is ok but won't be back for a few weeks and I can't keep silent that long.

I am fuming.

The past several weeks have really sucked. Work, and School. I have been very stressed at HOME as well but not in a negative way just more irrational fears…which will be resolved as soon as a plane from California touches down tomorrow evening. I will dedicate this to WORK.

Some people are born know what they want to do in life, other people only have one talent or skill. Some are born into family business they take over as they get older, others run away seeking something new. Some people are good at nothing and just do whatever job they can find to get by, other people are good at everything they touch.

Then there is someone like me, with no clue, no direction, and no guidance. I am a professional college student majoring in everything at least once. I am good at the things I attempt but I always have this feeling I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing. I am not happy, I hate my job most of the time, and the frustration has been growing like a summers afternoon thunderstorm.

For a better lack of a good description of what I do – I am a troubleshooter. I always end up in this role, no matter where I go. It has been this way since I was 13 when I started working for a paycheck outside of home.

I am a certified special education teacher working at a youth facility (nice word for prison) with secondary level boys. I started my “career” 10 years ago when I thought I would take this teaching aide job temporarily as I look for police departments to apply for. I worked my way up quickly from teacher’s aide, to bookkeeper, to behavior interventionist (its like a dean), to OJT (on the job training counselor), to computer lab instructor, to instructional technical support assistant, to teacher.

Right now I am the Tech Coordinator, Academic Improvement Plan coordinator, Transition Specialist, Entry and Exit Testing Coordinator, and School Improvement Chairperson. Sounds easy don’t it? Like I can sit on my rear all day and get paid for doing nothing (WHY can’t I ever find a job like that). The job I have is killing me. And considering my emotional state lately I have had it.

Why can’t I figure out what I want to do!!!!!!!!!!!.
I can sit others down and figure out what they want to do. But I can’t do that for myself. Each of the jobs I have held are fly by the seat of your pants, do everything that is expected of you even though you don’t have enough time or people or resources to do things kind of jobs. These jobs have chewed people up and sip them out and these were the tough people most others just quit no long into the positions.

I feel so lost. I am not afraid though I am just angry. And I am not sure who I am angry at but it is probably me.

Maybe I am making more out of this than it is but I wish I was good at just one thing. I am passionate about doing the best job I can, I am not a slacker, I am high strung, competitive, quick witted, and even sharper tongued. Yet all these “skills” don’t add up to anything.

Today I got so frustrated I just started jumping up and down screaming because I though I was going to throw something, (or someone) through a window. NOTE we don’t have windows only triple reinforced lexain.

Nothing at work has gone right since before x-mas break. Everything I have worked on, touched, or planned has gone to crap. I don’t want to get up to go to work anymore and I have never said that in my entire life.

Right now work has become impossible, impossible people, tasks, and deadlines. I feel like everyone is pointing at me going HOW COME THIS ISNT DONE.
Everyday I feel combative. There are so many holes in my tongue that I think it has been replaced by a slice of Swiss cheese.

SO WHY DON’T I JUST LEAVE.
Reason One: I work for a good boss, who is a great person, who is also one of my best friends. She is going through a lot of crap right now, I am her rock, the person she can count on and I can’t handle the thought of letting her down.

Reason Two: MONEY MONEY MONEY.

Reason Three: NO clue as to what in the heck I would go and do.

Sean talks about dreams, dreaming big, chasing them, catching them, living them. I am so freaking JELIOUS. I almost remember being able to dream. ALMOST.

BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW. It was like that part of me died and it is the thing I have always tried to find. I look inside and I don’t see hope I see anger. I don’t see dreams it is just dark, black, and void.

I have tried talking to people, taking tests, trying new things, I don’t have a hobby, unless being a vindictive bitch counts, and even then I am now a reformed vindictive bitch. So what am I left with!!! Other suggestions are: what brings me happiness? – JOB WISE NOTHING. I am bitter and I hate it.

SO CHANGE AND STOP BITCHING. NO problem if someone can just tell me HOW. With the four hours I have left over from the day of working 8 – 12 hours a day, taking care of the family and going to school. These are the 4 hours in which I sometimes reserve for sleeping!!!!

I am the type of person who fixes things not complains about them but this problem is soooooooooo beyond me. I have been fighting it for 15 years with no solution. WHY IS THIS SO HARD! I MAKE ALL SIMPLE THINGS HARD.

I feel like I have failed in life because I can’t figure out what I want to do with it and it is passing me by. I am so tired of trying to run after a vague feeling of what is supposed to be.

I feel like something is out there just beyond my grasp and I can’t feel it or touch it yet I know its there.. and it is the answer. I feel like a car that can’t get out of gear whose wheels are trapped and spinning wildly.

I used to term myself as a realist - I wasn’t an optimist and I wasn’t a pessimist.
Now I am nothing. Just there, I guess would be a better term.

Since where on the quote thing here is one that is an example of ME:

Is the glass half full or half empty? WHO CARES!!
Just fill it with something useful and DRINK IT – Bruce Lee.

Ode to Kirsten

I promised Kirsten a new post so I dedicate this one to her!! My lil online friend.

Ode to Kirsten and Caffeine

When daybreak rises with its happy perky sounds.. Kirsten just stomps, stomps, stomps on the ground..

Make way for her as she passes the kitchen or you will hear some mighty bitchin! In a daze far worse than any hazy..

The quest begins for caffeination is proclaimed!

She begins to get all primal.... grunting, hunting,....searching for that little plastic ring ....that hold the promise of salvation..... a pair of her own car keys.

Clumsily, she stumbles to the automobile ….
she drives not by sight…. but by FEEL!

To find a place where she can heal.. the grogginess of the morning paces............

Oh pity the poor soul who encounters….. the decaffeinated hollow shell...
that forms the Kirsten we know so well..

You would not invade a grizzly's lair… so stay away from Kirsten's glare..
For before her caffeine has been ingested… stay away do not be tested!

Tread lightly for danger is near..
or you could get a good, swift, kick in the rear!

She rounds the corner just in time…
to get in the long drive thru line..

She doesn't need to make a sound..
The coffee cup is abound..

The dunkin’ crew knows what to do….they fill her cup and say .. NOW SHOO.

The holy grail is lifted up ….full of the coffee she loves so much..

One big sip….. its almost there…….. she can taste it in the air...

Kirsten is once again refreshed with Dunkin’ Doughnuts very best..

This moment is savored and she reflects…..there are 4 more dunkin trips in the day left..

With giddy and glee..... and punch in her step....... she drives away..... feeling blessed!

GOOD MORNING KIRSTEN!!!!!
Hope you have a fully caffenated day!!!

Love your friend - D.