NO MORE SCHOOL NO MORE E-BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok well at least for 4 more weeks.. I did it.. sick for six weeks and finally passed this damn class.
I got a 90, which is an A-, but hell I thought I was a goner a few days ago when the work was piled high and my faith and health at basement bottom.
The next few weeks are going to be hell. I talked to the doc today and asked if there were other side effects from his latest bump. I became severely flu like right after the bump. There have been days I was so sick I couldn’t take the medicine. He told me to take the dose back down again… so in the roller coaster of emotions here I go again.. .Some times I stop and think what I am doing to myself.. and then I stop to think.. What.. AM I .. doing to myself.
There is no real reason for fibro. Some think its kind of like a post traumatic stress thing.. others believe it is a virus that wears you down... there are others who think fibro is a made up thing.. I ask them to live a life in my shoes... anytime.
I really hate taking these medications but I hate being sick.. more. I hate giving up control to something else. There are times when out of the blue I have an emotional reaction that I can not control. It is hard enough working in a mans line of work.. but having this ticking time bomb is at times unmanagable...but I am tired of being sick.
I have had person after person shy away from me.. 'cause they think what I have is contagious.. I made the mistake to go to services this sat.. something I use to love doing.. now like everything else .. is such an effort... I hate how everyone looked or treated me.. here is a hint.. if someone looks ill, wore out, tired.. don't tell them that’s how they look, or to cheer up and smile, it really pisses us off.. of course us.. is the chronically ill.. I guess I am the unofficial spokesperson of all who aren't well.. great title.. wonder what the perks are?
Anyways.. I am relieved that this class is over.. frustrated that this is the beginning of another grueling week... and exhausted because I have to start packing and move out of this apt in a few weeks..
I was surfing on the internet with the TV on in the background - drowning out the noise not really hearing it - when I hear this line.. when did life stop being fun and started being scary?
I can hear the winds.. I just don't know where their blowing..
Ok well at least for 4 more weeks.. I did it.. sick for six weeks and finally passed this damn class.
I got a 90, which is an A-, but hell I thought I was a goner a few days ago when the work was piled high and my faith and health at basement bottom.
The next few weeks are going to be hell. I talked to the doc today and asked if there were other side effects from his latest bump. I became severely flu like right after the bump. There have been days I was so sick I couldn’t take the medicine. He told me to take the dose back down again… so in the roller coaster of emotions here I go again.. .Some times I stop and think what I am doing to myself.. and then I stop to think.. What.. AM I .. doing to myself.
There is no real reason for fibro. Some think its kind of like a post traumatic stress thing.. others believe it is a virus that wears you down... there are others who think fibro is a made up thing.. I ask them to live a life in my shoes... anytime.
I really hate taking these medications but I hate being sick.. more. I hate giving up control to something else. There are times when out of the blue I have an emotional reaction that I can not control. It is hard enough working in a mans line of work.. but having this ticking time bomb is at times unmanagable...but I am tired of being sick.
I have had person after person shy away from me.. 'cause they think what I have is contagious.. I made the mistake to go to services this sat.. something I use to love doing.. now like everything else .. is such an effort... I hate how everyone looked or treated me.. here is a hint.. if someone looks ill, wore out, tired.. don't tell them that’s how they look, or to cheer up and smile, it really pisses us off.. of course us.. is the chronically ill.. I guess I am the unofficial spokesperson of all who aren't well.. great title.. wonder what the perks are?
Anyways.. I am relieved that this class is over.. frustrated that this is the beginning of another grueling week... and exhausted because I have to start packing and move out of this apt in a few weeks..
I was surfing on the internet with the TV on in the background - drowning out the noise not really hearing it - when I hear this line.. when did life stop being fun and started being scary?
I can hear the winds.. I just don't know where their blowing..
posted by Diayah | 11:08 PM
6 Comments:
YAY!!!!!! You passed!!! Good going...I knew you could do it, tho...I have faith...
I'm sorry you have to go thru all this sickness....I wish I could take your pain away...But the only thing I can do is be here for you, and let you know that you're in my thoughts..Life is definately scary, thats for damn sure...And that question is so appropriate...when DID life stop being fun???..ah well...I hope you have a great day...and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!
@}----}
:)Just me
You wouldn't happen to be talking about fibromyalgia, would you? One of my very good friends has that, and has been back and forth with more doctors than I can even imagine. No one seems to know how to help her.
1st Kirsten thanks.. and knowing you are here does help. AWWW thanks for the flower.. you are too cute.. I have been thinking about that quote now all day.. when did it stop being fun.. and why?
I do have to tell you this I drank a venti cafe mocha today as I was at work before the sun rose over the fields of Pahokee.. (sad when you don't live there)..
Ash,
I am talking about fibromyalgia. I am sorry your friend is suffering. Unfortunately you friend will be to many, many, many doctors with very little results. I am one of the younger people that have it, I was diagnosed with it when I was 25, now I am 32. I often talk about my fibro here as many people where I work do not know that I have it or that I have a chronic pain disorder.
Looking back at growing up I probably always had it because I was always in pain of some kind but being young and incredibly stubborn managed to push through it.
There are many websites out there that can help and some counties have support groups. I go every two weeks for b-12 shots which sometimes takes the edge off the pain just for a little bit. I also made the move a few years ago to break down and take a special type of antidepressant called pamelor that helps manage the pain. In MY CASE there have been many side effects with this antidepressant but overall I would take every side effect and then some just to enjoy the moments that are ALMOST pain free.
Unfortunately nothing can help the fatigue, which right now I am currently suffering from. I pushed myself way too hard, I have always had a talent to push myself right up to that line before overdrive and back down.. this time I missed and I have paid dearly. It will be weeks before I am better.. and life does not wait for you to get better.
If you go back on my postings there is a poem that really describes what people with fibro go through. Print it for your friend, its nice to know your not alone and your not going nuts trying to figure out what is happening to you.
Doctors are now finally treating fibro as a real disease. Your friend will have few good days and many bad.. having people around her that don't judge her and support her will go a long way in the healing process.
I wish your friend good health and I hope you continue to be the hand that holds her though the process.
NWORF??
Nausating
Word-play
Of
Restated
Falicies
I'll have to forward your blog onto my friend. There aren't a lot of people out there with fibro (or at least with it diagnosed), so I think reading what you're going through may help her. The sad thing is my friend even went so far as to contact NIH- even they don't have the funding to research it. Hang in there, though, and hopefully someone will come up with a cure.
Thanks Ash.
NIH is slow to react because fibro is a quality of life illness not a life limiting one.
You and your friend are welcome here anytime. Its nice to know your not alone when facing something like this.
Post a Comment
<< Home