Well I guess I am down to writing less than once a month now.. here is a quick summary.

Went to Orlando on business during our counties spring break.. which was sweet because I took the family and went to see the evil expensive rat.. aka Disney.. actually it was Animal Kingdom which was very cool.. but again way too damn expensive.. I have never taken my kids to Disney before and I will have to manage to find a way to return before my young children enter college. I had a working vacation and went to the technology conference.. which was very awesome - its like Office Depot, Comp USA, and Home Depot all in one huge package!

I stayed at the Embassy Suite on Jamaican Ct if you ever get to splurge and go STAY HERE.. not only was everyone and I mean EVERYONE completely friendly and awesome the complementary breakfast buffet was wonderful.. I ate sooooooooooooooo much every morning I wasn’t hungry until dinner. I don’t know how people are THAT friendly no matter what.. without some serious anger management training and lots of good prescription drugs..

What made everything that much cooler was the boss gave me the day before and the day after of the trip off which mean more time spending with my family. Working as much as I have been especially with the audit surprising us I really have not been around.. and when I am I am usually too tired and too sick to do anything with them...esp on weekends when everything hits me.

Ok.. well I returned to work.. rested and happy and you know what that means.. its the worlds opportunity to piss me off.. The short version of the story is I am being reassigned.. again.. this is the seventh?.. dunno actually I stopped counting.

From the outside you would think I am a bad employee but I am not .. unfortunately I am very good and I have lots of experience so when something fails I am like the plug that stops the ship from sinking. Well things were ok.. until I got back and it was like .. hey your being put back in the classroom and if you don't like it you can transfer.. I was crushed.. all the freaking work I did.. and they strip me of all my responsibilities and put me back in a classroom.. that hurt.. the fact that others knew and started talking about me and my new position before I even returned.. that hurt more.. then the icing on the cake.. I was told I am not administrative material.

Lets see.. I do my job, and sometimes everyone else’s, then I get bounced around here and there like some freaking ping pong.. I come in freakishly early, stay late.. but I am not management material.. ok..your right.. I am too damn competent. What hurts the most is some of the reasons why I am not management material is I get upset when people take my head off.. this was told in confidence but used against me. So after a year and a half of being told to change my major to admin.. and I did it last month.. I am NOW told.. I SHOULDNT WASTE MY TIME. So I dropped out of college. I dont want to waste my money on a masters degree if I don’t have backing.

I need time to think and re-evaluate things.

If anyone is even still reading at this point.. you know two things about me.. I HAVE very little clue what I REALLY want to do in life.. and I have the extraordinary talent - Fibro. I brought on one of the WORST fibro attacks.. ever.. that’s how truly sick and demented I am.. it ruined my wedding anniversary, took days from my family and my kids.. all because of WORK?

I am still in pain - but no where near the degree earlier in the week. The problem is I have stopped standing up for myself.

ALL year I am told how I am not politically correct enough, how I get tunnel vision into my tasks and my curt answers offend people. I care about what I do.. and once again I was given a job with the strings of 4 other major job responsibilities and told when we hire more people you will be able to do the job you were hired to do.. that moment came the day before I was reassigned! When your a grunt you put up with the crap to see the light at the end of the tunnel.. well let me tell you folks.. the light was a diesel engine that knocked me right on my ass..

Let me clear something else.. its not about going back into the classroom.. I have taught - I can teach- but the way it was done.. I get great reviews from the auditors about my work.. go on a conference - come back and its wham.. your not doing your job anymore your going back into a classroom - do technology for right now.. then I find out a work order was issued to send it out 3rd party and its like ok.. what am I hear for?

The real kicker.. is my boss is one of my best friends.. we have ALWAYS been able to maintain our professional and private friendship - but I never saw this coming.. I feel hurt, betrayed, and used. So here I sit trying hard not to think about work all week and weekend.. to no avail..

A teacher told me before I left on Thursday that she heard I was going back into the classroom on Monday. Of course I have heard no official word.. the whole school will know before I do.

Other highlights of my week include:

Catching a good friend lying to me about her ex-boyfriend.. whom I had to have the cops follow because he is not only a HUGE lying sack of crap but an ex con with a violent past.. they apparently reconciled.

Another good friend got date raped and wont report it because she was drunk - when it happened. My sister has chosen to forgo looking for real relationships with people and spends all of her time online....yes I am noting the IRONY here..

One shining moment.. my son. I went to field day on Friday.. and he not only participate in every event but won 1 - 1st place ribbon and 3 - 3rd place ribbons.. I am sooooooooooo proud of the way he preformed and acted!

These past few weeks have been hell.. but I have taken something from it. I have wanted something to push me to change - I think this is it. I am hoping to do some research on a different career - I am trying now to not have this get to me.. I know I have done a LOUSEY job so far but I am a slow learner. I am trying to put into perspective what really matters and what doesn’t.

This too is a busy week. I have to start physical therapy, take a test so I can keep my teaching job, and my son has two diagnostic appointments. I will try to write when I can.. but understand it all requires energy and right now I have to save as much as I can.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said.. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” I am going to hold on to those words this week..

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Conserve your energy! Take a break, rest your eyes, and take a swig of your favorite drink.