In Brief

In Brief.

Some of the things that I have been thinking about but I have not had the time to write.

…I AM MOVING IN 4 DAYS. I am STILL NOT FINISHED PACKING.

…How many boxes it takes to pack all the crap you have collected of the years.

…How hard it is to part with unpractical items.

…I wish there was a magic spell that would allow friends to take over all your decision making power until you can think clearly, again.

…Why aren’t women’s clothing sizes all standard and meaningful?

…The power of a little girls squeal when she sees you for the first time that day when you pick her up after school.

…The healing power of butterfly kisses, big hugs, and I love you.

…How difficult it can be just doing everyday tasks. How much one can take for granted being able to just walk from a backspace in a parking lot to the store.

…When measuring time is counted by days between doctors appointments…

…Knowing when to keep soldering on, when to stand up for yourself, when to bite your tongue, when to move on.

…learning how to live in the moment instead of wasting time analyzing it.

…wondering when we stopped believing in the unicorns, the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, magic, and all things we really can’t see. And are we better people for not believing in them?

I see if I can elaborate on some of this at one point. Got to go now.

Later!
Diayah

Another Day in Paradise.. OK Bri sorry for borrowing your catch phrase here.. but instead of saying how much working in Cambodia sucks.. I usually say this..Just another day in Paradise.. people usually laugh as the place I work in is only paradise in Hades. Where is it written that the moment you totally depend on someone to do their job is exactly 15 minutes before they totally drop the friggin ball? Today I started at 0600 having to do a walmart run for the school.. HEY Kirsten.. I started the day with DD!!!! A nice large one..lol. After dropping off a movie at Lackluster aka Blockbuster.. LATE of course.. I headed to work.. only to turn around 10 minutes later to go back home because.. DUH I forgot my laptop.. WOW I must have been TIRED... Then I went to work.. where I discovered I had to move all my crap AGAIN to another office.. this is common place for me.. my job title and location must change at least 3 times a year.. Somewhere in the scheme of life I pissed off Murphy.. and he declared martial law on my butt. Well about a half hour into moving I asked one of the secy if she had delivered all the paperwork needed for my kids who were going home.. her answer was NO. She didn't tell me it didn't get done. .and five minutes later the school was calling asking for it.. I had to rush around get all the things done.. when both copiers broke.. (I hope Murphy was having a great laugh) .. Being the techie I am I went to the fax and put it into copy mode.. got the paperwork copied and flew down to the school that is 11 miles away... Delivered and got everything signed and headed back to the main offices.. and was exhausted by 1030.. My goal was to leave at 1330.. I left at 1530 and had to go to another store for the school .. I picked up the kids.. went home.. and then had to go back to the market.. for paper stuff so I can pack my dishes..

OMG I move in 9 days and not one friggin thing is packed!!!!!!!!! Damn.

On the fibro front.. the med reduction is working.. My cold congestion and cough is finally going away. I almost felt good today.. but my stamina is terrible.. I am so weak that it is difficult to do much more than come home and just sit down. Sometimes I focus too much on the pain and not enough on the weakness.. there is absolutely nothing that can be given to you for it.. it is like a dead battery that will not charge no matter how long you have it plugged in. One of the hardest things about this illness is its unpredictability, I have tried going to bed earlier.. but I can't sleep.. other nights I hit the pillow and it feels like a minute later its time to get up to go to work and hours have passed by in a blink.. This is a hard few weeks for me because the doctor could not fit me in two week intervals.. My appointments are almost a month a part.. so my super B-12 shots will have to wait a few days..

Tomorrow I am hoping to get out earlier than normal and get something done.. if I have the energy... I got some advice from a former personal trainer that told me going on the treadmill is too much for me and I need to back off and start slower. Some very very light weights and a high number of reps are in order. I am going to start this out tom.. Hopefully...and maybe I can stick this back to this illness..

Well thats all for now.. behind the prison bars..lol...Hope everything is good and well with everyone.

I am still looking at those winds.. wondering what the message is there....

NO MORE SCHOOL NO MORE E-BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok well at least for 4 more weeks.. I did it.. sick for six weeks and finally passed this damn class.

I got a 90, which is an A-, but hell I thought I was a goner a few days ago when the work was piled high and my faith and health at basement bottom.

The next few weeks are going to be hell. I talked to the doc today and asked if there were other side effects from his latest bump. I became severely flu like right after the bump. There have been days I was so sick I couldn’t take the medicine. He told me to take the dose back down again… so in the roller coaster of emotions here I go again.. .Some times I stop and think what I am doing to myself.. and then I stop to think.. What.. AM I .. doing to myself.

There is no real reason for fibro. Some think its kind of like a post traumatic stress thing.. others believe it is a virus that wears you down... there are others who think fibro is a made up thing.. I ask them to live a life in my shoes... anytime.

I really hate taking these medications but I hate being sick.. more. I hate giving up control to something else. There are times when out of the blue I have an emotional reaction that I can not control. It is hard enough working in a mans line of work.. but having this ticking time bomb is at times unmanagable...but I am tired of being sick.

I have had person after person shy away from me.. 'cause they think what I have is contagious.. I made the mistake to go to services this sat.. something I use to love doing.. now like everything else .. is such an effort... I hate how everyone looked or treated me.. here is a hint.. if someone looks ill, wore out, tired.. don't tell them that’s how they look, or to cheer up and smile, it really pisses us off.. of course us.. is the chronically ill.. I guess I am the unofficial spokesperson of all who aren't well.. great title.. wonder what the perks are?

Anyways.. I am relieved that this class is over.. frustrated that this is the beginning of another grueling week... and exhausted because I have to start packing and move out of this apt in a few weeks..

I was surfing on the internet with the TV on in the background - drowning out the noise not really hearing it - when I hear this line.. when did life stop being fun and started being scary?


I can hear the winds.. I just don't know where their blowing..

BRB...

Sorry guys but I have been really sick and very busy lately. This is the worst quarter of the year for me because it is school wide testing. I get the PLEASURE of waking up at 0520 and being at work at 0700.. then if I am lucky I get to maybe take a break at 1400 hrs.. no lunch no rest.. just keep testing.. until 1600 - 1700 hrs or so.. then race off to get kids.. do the family dinner.. homework.. thing.. then off to class do my homework.. then hopefully go to bed at 0200 to do it all again!

Add to that the strain of having no computer lab to test in.. I have a mobile lab.. the bad thing is I am the mobile part!! I have to use a group of laptops that I have to lug around, find a place to plug them in, hope the network or machines don't fail and get the lil darlins in for testing. So far I am not making the testing window. I have been out sick two days and I did not get a start on time because of connectivity issues.

HEY MIKE here's a lil hint.. wireless doesn't work in a prison! No matter how many ways I tried I just could not make the damn thing work.. to quote the late Mr. Scott.. "Captain, I'm giveiner all she's got. I've got her wired up like a Christmas tree".. yeah I know I am a techno dork.. but hey I make it look good.

My classes are killing me too.. I have gone 4 days with only a handful of hours worth of sleep. I got 1 hours last night.. which is why I had to take off today...if I drove I would be a menace to society.. but did not really get to rest.

I had much to do. I had to look for a new apt because mines going condo.. it sucks I really hate moving.. and the PRICES!! OMG.. I would like to personally thank all the Europeans and NY'ers for personally driving up the price of real-estate. Then I would like to smack all the polo people for personally driving up the cost of all the rentals... 1600 a month is the avg out here!! THEY ARE NUTS. After much work and for ONCE some luck on MY SIDE.

I found a 3/2 that is smaller than what I own and of course a tad bit more expensive.. but it was under 1300 a month. Anyways I can't rant too much it would drain the little energy I have left.

I have been really sick and dragging lately. I still don't feel like me and I am so stressed. Unlike some others.. SEAN... who can dream.. totally jealous by the way.. I don't. I do hear music in my head though.. I know its probably because I am completely delusional from no sleep.. its the new one from Van Zant.. I tried to find lyrics.. but I am too tired to look. I'll hopefully

C YA All soon, Later