Adversity and lives little challenges..
I am supposed to be doing my homework.. but I am at the vary least disinterested.
Many of you have shared real personal details about your life.. your pain, your disapointments, what pisses you off, what you would like to piss on.. etc.
I will tell you a little about me.. I am the oldest of 3 children.. my parents should have never gotten together.. I say this not because I did not wish to be born.. or my sisters to be born.. but I do not think they ever liked each other.. never mind loved each other.. but 3 kids were born of this "union" of marital bliss..
I thought everyone's parents slept in separate rooms when I was a kid.. my middle sister, my dad and I shared a room for many years.. my mom and my kid sister were in the other.. I though that was "normal". My family had problems.. I was almost killed by my mom and dad fighting when I was 7. She had a gun and was drunk.. mom my laid the weapon, which I though at the time was a toy on my dresser.. my dad and mom wrestled on my bed the gun was pointed right at me and I froze.. I did not know what to do.. I just cried... while my dad was screaming for me to call the cops I woke.. time seemed to slow down..I grabbed my sisters hand and I took them into my moms room and locked the door and picked up the phone crying and called my aunt. It was the first time I was scared and it had a profound impact. I am not close with my family even though we live in the same county. I always wish I had a "normal" family relationship with them.
I hated my life then.. but at the same time I knew as a kid I had it good...I was one of those kids who liked being a kid. .. My grandfather raised me...I spent most of my time with him until he died when I was a teen.. I was mad at him for leaving me when I needed him most. He was the first person who believed in me. He wanted me to be a singer.. he bought me equiptment to practice on.. and loved and encouraged me to sing.. I quit the day he died.. I had no reason to sing anymore.. I was my grandfathers son.. in a girls form.. I did some girl stuff.. dance, gymnastics, and stuff but I was into sports and martial arts - I was a black belt...My grandfather wanted me to be a singer or a broadcaster.. but he was not disappointed when I wanted to be an astronaut's...I love science still do. I taught astronomy when I was 13 - 18 at the local planetarium.. I loved it. First time and last time I really loved a job! But who can survive on 5.00 an hour!
Anyway, I was awkward and had low self esteem. When my folks finally divorced when I was in high school, they were no help. My mom called me trash, stupid, and just like my father.. My dad called me bitchy, demanding, and ungrateful just like my mom.. So I learned to face my demons early in life..I was actually shy in high school but no one would guess that about me now. My grandfather taught me to speak my mind, this doesn't win you false friends.. or many friends for that matter.. I can be gruff..
At 13 I came down with a serious case of pneumonia which almost killed me. I was in ICU for a month - I refused to be on full bed rest. The nurses were all impressed when I made me self sit up and went to the rest room by myself.. I faced death before I was not going quietly. I got sick because I went on a DC 30 it is a twin prop plane with 30 seats.. Placard on the door said flown in WW2 should have been a sign.. not to go. I had never been on a plane before or since...the non pressurized cabin did not go well with my air sickness...and fluids got trapped. I survived but never went on a plane again.
My next event was after graduation when I met my first love. I never had a guy, especially a handsome one, take interest in me seriously. He was not intimidated by me and he had such a smile and eyes light brown with hits of green.. that just made me feel alive.. we were together for 9 years.. I lived for him.. I did everything for him.. I changed for him.. He became my world.. He cheated on me, said he was sorry, I took him back. He promised not to stray.. and it would happen again. I was in love. I did not want to end up like my parents. Relationships have problems you are supposed to work on problems as a team. I was the perfect 1950's wife. I kept the house, cooked the dinners, but I worked. Eventually I got pregnant and we got married.
When I told my mom I was expecting she said there are ways you can fix that. I never felt more alone. I was very close with my soon to be inlaws. His mom was more of a mother to me than my own mom.
My ex-husband later he said I pushed him into it but he pretty much blamed me for everything in the end. I did not have a shotgun at the wedding so I can not figure out how I forced anything. After the baby I worked two jobs he worked one and joined a gym. He wanted to work out and become "buff". One week before our ten year anniversary he told me he was through. He did not love me. He did not find me good looking, attractive, and he wanted out. He told me this infront of our baby, who was 2 at the time. I was sobbing why, I felt the whole world rip away, my heart sank, I got sick. My baby kept saying don't cry mommy and started crying too. He walked me to the car and I drove to his parents because I got no support from my folks. It was hard times. He left me worse than broke, I was 8 grand in debt. I had refinaced the house to pay off his debt. I worked, he paid bills. I was going to loose the house, car, and had no money for diapers, milk, or daycare. I was the one who made the better salary and I had nothing to show for it. He wanted me to divide the stuff, and decide what to do with the house right then after he told me we were though. I told him I could not make a decision now and he would have to wait.
When I came back to the house I packed him some clothes and told him to take some time and think about what he was throwing away. I wanted him to be happy. I told him I loved him and he gave me his wedding ring, and he walked out the door.....
To be continued..
I am supposed to be doing my homework.. but I am at the vary least disinterested.
Many of you have shared real personal details about your life.. your pain, your disapointments, what pisses you off, what you would like to piss on.. etc.
I will tell you a little about me.. I am the oldest of 3 children.. my parents should have never gotten together.. I say this not because I did not wish to be born.. or my sisters to be born.. but I do not think they ever liked each other.. never mind loved each other.. but 3 kids were born of this "union" of marital bliss..
I thought everyone's parents slept in separate rooms when I was a kid.. my middle sister, my dad and I shared a room for many years.. my mom and my kid sister were in the other.. I though that was "normal". My family had problems.. I was almost killed by my mom and dad fighting when I was 7. She had a gun and was drunk.. mom my laid the weapon, which I though at the time was a toy on my dresser.. my dad and mom wrestled on my bed the gun was pointed right at me and I froze.. I did not know what to do.. I just cried... while my dad was screaming for me to call the cops I woke.. time seemed to slow down..I grabbed my sisters hand and I took them into my moms room and locked the door and picked up the phone crying and called my aunt. It was the first time I was scared and it had a profound impact. I am not close with my family even though we live in the same county. I always wish I had a "normal" family relationship with them.
I hated my life then.. but at the same time I knew as a kid I had it good...I was one of those kids who liked being a kid. .. My grandfather raised me...I spent most of my time with him until he died when I was a teen.. I was mad at him for leaving me when I needed him most. He was the first person who believed in me. He wanted me to be a singer.. he bought me equiptment to practice on.. and loved and encouraged me to sing.. I quit the day he died.. I had no reason to sing anymore.. I was my grandfathers son.. in a girls form.. I did some girl stuff.. dance, gymnastics, and stuff but I was into sports and martial arts - I was a black belt...My grandfather wanted me to be a singer or a broadcaster.. but he was not disappointed when I wanted to be an astronaut's...I love science still do. I taught astronomy when I was 13 - 18 at the local planetarium.. I loved it. First time and last time I really loved a job! But who can survive on 5.00 an hour!
Anyway, I was awkward and had low self esteem. When my folks finally divorced when I was in high school, they were no help. My mom called me trash, stupid, and just like my father.. My dad called me bitchy, demanding, and ungrateful just like my mom.. So I learned to face my demons early in life..I was actually shy in high school but no one would guess that about me now. My grandfather taught me to speak my mind, this doesn't win you false friends.. or many friends for that matter.. I can be gruff..
At 13 I came down with a serious case of pneumonia which almost killed me. I was in ICU for a month - I refused to be on full bed rest. The nurses were all impressed when I made me self sit up and went to the rest room by myself.. I faced death before I was not going quietly. I got sick because I went on a DC 30 it is a twin prop plane with 30 seats.. Placard on the door said flown in WW2 should have been a sign.. not to go. I had never been on a plane before or since...the non pressurized cabin did not go well with my air sickness...and fluids got trapped. I survived but never went on a plane again.
My next event was after graduation when I met my first love. I never had a guy, especially a handsome one, take interest in me seriously. He was not intimidated by me and he had such a smile and eyes light brown with hits of green.. that just made me feel alive.. we were together for 9 years.. I lived for him.. I did everything for him.. I changed for him.. He became my world.. He cheated on me, said he was sorry, I took him back. He promised not to stray.. and it would happen again. I was in love. I did not want to end up like my parents. Relationships have problems you are supposed to work on problems as a team. I was the perfect 1950's wife. I kept the house, cooked the dinners, but I worked. Eventually I got pregnant and we got married.
When I told my mom I was expecting she said there are ways you can fix that. I never felt more alone. I was very close with my soon to be inlaws. His mom was more of a mother to me than my own mom.
My ex-husband later he said I pushed him into it but he pretty much blamed me for everything in the end. I did not have a shotgun at the wedding so I can not figure out how I forced anything. After the baby I worked two jobs he worked one and joined a gym. He wanted to work out and become "buff". One week before our ten year anniversary he told me he was through. He did not love me. He did not find me good looking, attractive, and he wanted out. He told me this infront of our baby, who was 2 at the time. I was sobbing why, I felt the whole world rip away, my heart sank, I got sick. My baby kept saying don't cry mommy and started crying too. He walked me to the car and I drove to his parents because I got no support from my folks. It was hard times. He left me worse than broke, I was 8 grand in debt. I had refinaced the house to pay off his debt. I worked, he paid bills. I was going to loose the house, car, and had no money for diapers, milk, or daycare. I was the one who made the better salary and I had nothing to show for it. He wanted me to divide the stuff, and decide what to do with the house right then after he told me we were though. I told him I could not make a decision now and he would have to wait.
When I came back to the house I packed him some clothes and told him to take some time and think about what he was throwing away. I wanted him to be happy. I told him I loved him and he gave me his wedding ring, and he walked out the door.....
To be continued..
posted by Diayah | 11:53 PM
2 Comments:
wow....your childhood kinda sounds like mine, minus the gun...my dad was the drinker, along w/ my mom...I guess that's why I adopted my husbands family, too...They are my whole world. My birth mother, as I call her, lives with my older sister, cuz my father passed away 9 years ago...She told me over and over that she wished she's had an abortion, wished she never had me...etc. etc....my birth family is something I had decided not to talk about, but then you find a common ground with someone, and out it comes...I know, tho, that I am very lucky, because my husband is still my husband...I can't imagine life without him, but I do know that if I had to be without him, his family will still be mine. I am eager to hear the continuing story...morbid, I know...but I can't help myself...and not for nothing, it does help to get it all out..and to know that others care, and are here for you.
Sean and big red - this story has a purpose one that will become clear to you at the very end.
Just me. A friend once said you can't choose your family that is why you must choose your friends very carefully. You found your best friend and married him. It is ok to want to hear the rest of the story. It is why I am writing it.
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